There was no hesitation when I proposed.
You took my rough hand in yours and said yes.
It must be an eight year old thing,
when matching birthdays are the basis for
“Will you be my best friend?”
so over five stones and concrete flooring
we decided that this was it,
and I expected you to polish me,
accepting that you would be the smarter one,
scoring Bahasa Melayu distinctions and myopia and
I would always walk away to the cooler lunch table because
we knew that the people we loved always disappointed,
and Murphy’s law was absolute truth so it went wrong
when you flew far to get a better education,
the harrying of life gave me only sporadic motivation
to connect through the chasms between us because
I didn’t have your ageless wisdom
tucked into my pocket like unfinished chocolate,
melting all over my fingers with sticky determination.
Without your sweet grace I forgot that
we vibrate with a same frequency that traverses miles,
that our married souls are indivisible.
So trundling along my rocky rebel road
I fell into a quicksand treacle of reform,
I had to sand myself down till my rough hands were smooth,
as you said a prayer of goodbye
to everyone you ever wanted to love except me.
I was just on a horrible thought-provoking holiday.
Then we switched places.
When I came out you taught me how to fly without falling,
how to speed without being caught,
as lecturers loved the way
my hand was raised before I knew the answers
and my enforced discipline had mannered me.
Soon your tragedies outweighed the ones I used to have
and so we exchanged ingots of how to deal with this,
we formed the same philosophy in our crater wakes,
when meteor dust was settling over coffee and nicotine.
You chemical explosion without casualties,
you dazzling sky full of superstars,
you are the stray thought in my head when it’s empty,
you are my half of what has never happened
because we always are where the other was before.
My beauty, my best friend, my soul sister,
the silent solitude of now will soon be over,
I will wait for this treacle to reform you,
so when you are back from that building
which was my home before
I will show you how to fly without falling and
speed with your heart,
to dance without a care for who is watching,
and play five stones in the school yard.
Remember that our lives are always in tandem,
that we are always where the other was before,
and that through cell walls and watchful guards,
I am still there.
I am with you now.