We’re going to stay home and watch Game of Thrones? Again?
Whyyy? It’s so lame its from a fantasy novel you used to read that stuff when you were 14!
Who cares about stupid blue eyed zombies?
And WINTER IS COMING??? What does that even mean?
Come on, It’s ladies night!
Remember when we used to go out and get shitfaced every Wednesday?
You would put on a pair of sexy shoes and dance until your feet hurt,
and we would get so much attention…
and I smell super nice today,
we’re going to walk past someone hot and he’s going to be like whoa…
You’re so selfish, all you do is work…
and do you know how much it hurts when you tie me up all the time?
Why can’t you just let me loose and let people accept you for who you are,
maybe if they saw that I was cool they wouldn’t make fun of me,
Instead you’re pretending you’re some decent woman…
“Oooooh look at me, I’m a grown up, see how grown up I am?”
Look, I get it okay you’re in love, blah blah blah.
You don’t need to go out anymore, you don’t want to do anything,
just stay at home with your stupid boyfriend.
BUT WHAT ABOUT ME?
We used to have so much fun before,
go out on dates all the time!
I need some stimulation.
I need someone else to touch me,
come on me.
I miss when you had real dreams,
when you wanted to move somewhere else that I would have friends,
if there were others that looked like me maybe I wouldn’t be so lonely all the time.
We would be somewhere there was stuff for us to do every night,
we would never have to stay home and read a book or watch stupid Game of Thrones,
We could go to new clubs,
and there would be all sorts of stores and stuff you could put on me
instead of all this Asian bullshit which doesn’t work!
You make me really stressed out,
and you should know by now what that does to people.
If you don’t watch it, I’m going to fall out or go straight.
You wouldn’t want that, would you?
People only remember you because of me, I hope you know that.
Now, are we done discussing this?
Because I think I should go get ready for ladies night.
If my hair had a voice…written for comedy slam in April.